Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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