I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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