This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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