You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
