i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
