We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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