just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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