i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
