if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
