The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
