where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Randomize
