It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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