If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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