Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
