That's intense
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
