You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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