Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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