youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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