That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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