I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
