She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
