I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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