The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
