i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
