While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
