He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the day after is always just damage control
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
