drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
