you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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