is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
