We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
