you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize