with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
