Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
