i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
