I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
So squirting runs in the family.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize