Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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