His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
