You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i believe in u and ur pee
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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