she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
