I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
