I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
