You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
