dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
We got so high we made milksteak
smell my finger.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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