oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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