woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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