So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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