CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
