fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
