that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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