Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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