Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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