oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
