Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
