I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
