just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
