he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
