all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
