He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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