My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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