dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
