Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
