There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize