I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
