Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
