I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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