im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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