Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
