look no pants
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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