I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
