Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
