I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
