need another drink. this is the easiest way
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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