Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
