I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
