I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We have started to decorate penises.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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